Rajesh Vakharia

Deepika Padukone’s video #MyChoice has created a massive controversy and it has drawn flak even as it divided the people everywhere. It has got almost 4 million views in Youtube and has about 30,000 likes and some 15000 dislikes till now.

However, men’s rights activists of Save Indian Family Foundation (SIFF) are not very critical of this video, because they feel Deepika Padukone has echoed the sentiments of lakhs of young women in India today. These women want all the choices for themselves, while expecting their husbands and partners to fulfill all the duties. Today’s men are much more empathetic and caring than their fathers and grandfathers, but that is not just enough for these women. They want all choices and rights, while duties and responsibilities fall on the table of the husband and in-laws.

For example, a woman changing her plans and returning home in a cab at 4am after the party is considered none of a man’s business. But the same woman and her family will term a husband uncaring and irresponsible, if he sleeps peacefully switching off his cell phone. 

“Deepika Padukone has shown real face of feminism today. We should be thankful to her. It has also shown that there is an element of anarchy in feminism. Lakhs of urban women are following this brand of feminism believing that as women they are entitled to all privileges and choices, with no responsibilities.” Says Jyoti Tiwari, spokesperson of SIFF. She says, “The traditionalists running our Judiciary should wake up to this reality in urban India instead of habitually putting all the blame on men, when a marriage breaks. The family courts also should not bother about saving marriages as many young people getting married today have absolutely no understanding of the institution itself. It’s important that the courts put some sense of responsibility as well on these women.”

“Feminism has dumped the principles of gender equality long ago and the new wave of feminism is all about blaming men and masculinity and treating men as enemies of women. Feminists are pushing for policies and laws to establish entitlements and privileges for women at the expense of men. So, they should stop expecting men to partner in women’s issues, because it is ridiculous.” She says.

According to Rajesh Vakharia, President of SIFF, “In fact, after every incident of crimes against women, we see the feminist rhetoric about how they should consider men as partners than adversaries. Recently, Farhan Akhtar and others started United Nation’s #HeForShe campaign in India to make men and boys campaign for feminist issues. However, the same United Nations refuses any programs for protection for men facing domestic violence or human rights violations due to false cases of rape or dowry harassment.”

“It is ridiculous if one expects ordinary men to partner in something, which inherently degrades men and harms their interests. Farhan Akhtar’s wife and sister were among 99 other women in the #MyChoice Video. You cannot degrade a section of population and then expect them to partner you. This is absurd.” He says.

Men Choosing to Go Their Own Way As the controversy rages on, a video about choices of males was published and it also became viral. What is not known is that many men have already started following #MyChoice. In fact, what Deepika Padukone, Zoya Akhtar, Homi Adajania and their team do not realize is that, a large section of men’s rights advocates already call themselves as “MGTOW” or “Men Going Their Own Way.” 

These men believe in all the choices for men and they believe in living a life in their own terms and they are clear that they will neither marry nor have any committed relationship with any woman. 

The number of such MGTOWs are almost 100,000 in India and these numbers are growing fast. In a way, they are following most of these things that Deepika Padukone mentioned about women in her video. Being free from a relationship means, they also have all the freedom and choices. These men are saying,“My money, my choice. My Bungalow, my choice. My holiday trips, my choice.” 

Jyoti Tiwari says, “I was amused, when I got to know that all these men enthusiastically went to watch the Bollywood movie “Queen”, because they could relate to Kangana Ranaut’s character and just like her they have dumped the traditions, parental pressures to get married and instead got a life of choices.”

These men do not seek any intimacy or togetherness with any woman. They feel, the gender relationships in urban India are not longer about both sexes complementing one another, but it is all about competition and war of egos. They have almost lost trust with judiciary and family courts. So, they just choose to walk away. They think, the whole baggage that comes with a modern woman is too complex and too costly to bear financially and legally, if the relationship does not work out.

MGTOW movement is global. Its adherents neither trust feminists nor the traditionalists. They believe feminists are making life very complicated for men, while the traditionalists in family court system and judiciary are tying the men down, expecting men to fulfill traditional roles. For them, being not married to a woman means no responsibilities, no risks of domestic  abuse, no risks of false cases and there will be no emotional pain of being separated from children, if there is a marriage breakdown.