Distorted Psychology-Sects (neo-Religion) vs Values and Parenting

Vivek Glendenning Umrao
The Founder, CEO, and the Editor, Ground Report India

1.1      Psychology-Sects
1.2      Hypocrisy, Distortion
1.3      Examples of Hypocrisy, Distortion
1.3.1   Examples — Children
1.3.2   Examples — Parents
1.4      Can values be transmitted to our children if we engage in pretence/hypocrisy/discrimination and distorted-psychology?

1.1 Psychology-Sects : neo-Religion

Similar to religious or spiritual sects, a large portion of the practices in psychology can be classified as psychological-sects. Our choice of psychology-sect is determined by various elements, including our mindset, conditioning, and other relevant factors. Religious and spiritual denominations are structured organisations that are easily identifiable, allowing us to determine which specific religious or spiritual sect we align with, or choose not to align with. Because psychological-denominations are imperceptible thus, unless we make a conscious effort to be truly mindful and introspective, we will remain unaware of the psychological denomination that resides within us, silently manipulating and influencing our behaviour. 

If we have an objective scientific-approach, only then we are able to do objective-analysis. If we have the ability to do objective-analysis only then we are able to do serious introspection. Even if we have a strong wish to introspect, we cannot do introspection if we do not know how to do introspection, because it does not happen that we know how to objective-analyse but willingly choose not to introspect. Once we have the ability to practise introspection, it becomes an inherent quality that is intrinsic to our being and naturally happens within us.

The extent of psychological research does not extend to a thorough examination of every minute detail of a child's existence, ranging from the time of conception until their eventual demise. This entails their decision-making abilities, the actions and reactions they display, as well as the genuine thoughts and feelings that they internally experience, and the intricate thoughts and emotions that they hold deep within their psyche. Starting from the birth of a child and continuing through their journey of growing up, and eventually living for eight to nine decades or more, there is a lack of precisely recorded information regarding their thoughts, cognitive processes, and decision-making criteria, until the moment of their passing. There is no discernible distinction between the actual expressions and the behaviour and actions displayed. A person diverges between their actual character, the character they demonstrate in practical scenarios, and the character they outwardly project. The number of lies a person tells and the extent of their manipulation type data cannot be recorded precisely. There are uncountable actions/reactions where we are completely unaware of any details regarding the actual data that is involved.

Our feelings, thoughts, actions, and behaviours exhibit a significant disparity. There exists a significant disparity between our genuine character and the persona we display to the world. We treat some individuals differently, whereas we treat others who are not part of that group differently, even in the similar contexts.

" In societies such as India, religious and spiritual teachers have a significant impact on conditioning the beliefs and behaviours of the people. Many individuals mindlessly follow them without giving it any thought. People in Western society who view themselves as having a conscious and evolved mindset often mock the spiritual and religious beliefs of others. However, in Western countries, it is common for individuals to adhere to books written by authors who share their preferred or similar mindset. This practice is often employed for the purpose of conditioning, be it in the realm of parenting or psychology. However, it is important to note that the majority of writers who produce these books tend to have thinking based on their personal conditioning and mindset.

Although the upper covers may have different appearances in both of these situations, the underlying essence remains the same. The followers of religious and spiritual gurus establish various sects, each with their own beliefs and practices. Likewise, within the field of psychology techniques, individuals with varying mindsets consistently form numerous unacknowledged and hidden factions.

Despite the fact that there are similarities in psychology, living conditions, facilities, mannerisms, and other aspects, it is ironic that there is a distinct lack of equality, equity, and harmony. There is a lack of true tolerance, but pretend to be very tolerative superficially. Conversely, there is a significant amount of discrimination, arrogance, and a prevailing mindset focused on exerting control. But it is pretended as living as a family, living in love, living with mutual respect. Their misguided perspective prevents them from truly embodying the essence of a purposeful life, as they arrogantly perceive themselves to be superior, righteous, rational, thoughtful, and exceptional, without truly understanding the values of such qualities. "

The way people perceive and understand life is greatly influenced by their affiliation with religious or spiritual denominations. The adherence to religious or spiritual denominations entails a unique perspective on life. People belonging to these communities primarily perceive and interpret the world through the ideologies and rituals they follow. Similarly, psychological sects exhibit a similar pattern of perceiving life exclusively through the lens of their chosen sect. This pattern is also evident in the context of psychological sects. Similar to the presence of gurus in the religious/spiritual community, who have the ability to influence and shape people's mindset, life-vision, and analytical power. In the field of psychology, there exist individuals known as writers and analysts who possess the ability to subtly manipulate the mindset, life-vision, and analytical power of others. Just like religious and spiritual denominations, psychological denominations also have a tendency to harbour discriminatory attitudes towards individuals who don't share the same beliefs or perspectives.

If a writer or analyst in the field of psychology lacks a profound comprehension of life values, lacks an objective scientific approach, and possesses a self-centric or discriminatory mindset. Then their thoughts, analysis, and perspective will inevitably be subjective, despite superficial displays of modesty or positivity. Consequently, even though the number of followers may reach hundreds of millions, it is the negativity, arrogance, discrimination, self-centricity, manipulation, and other similar factors that will ultimately shape and mould the character of both society and its individuals.

Our psychology is shaped by a combination of social conditioning, training, and various other factors that contribute to our overall mindset. In societies where individuals perceive themselves as superior, they inherently perceive their psychology as superior as well. The books that are written in the name of psychology and focus on children's upbringing and behavioural development are founded on the mindset, conditioning, training, and life-vision of the writers and analysts who authored them. It is not possible to conduct any psychological research that can definitively predict whether a child will engage in this behaviour in the future. In the unlikely event that this becomes a reality in the future, the individuals will predominantly be robots in human form, rather than actual humans.

1.2  Hypocrisy, Distortion

The events that we observe in childhood, and the responses of our parents to the context of the events, and the activities of parents, control our brain at the subconscious level. What happens to most of us is that it is impossible for us to break free from the rituals, beliefs, ideologies and mindsets that take root in our minds in our childhood. Most of us consider and accept these attitudes and way of life. We get the beginning and foundation of the transition of ideas from our parents, family, family-friends and relatives, etc. Because our parents and family are affected by the various ideologies of some religion or psychology-sect, we are also introduced to those overtly or covertly. It is those who neglect to engage in genuine and deep introspection, unable to escape its clutches for the entirety of their lives. Rather than opposing the clutches, they take pride in doing so.

With life being easy, comfortable, more secure, with being educated, with evolving, being progressive, with being logical. In order to ensure optimal development for our children, it is crucial that we cultivate a genuine and serious commitment towards them. This includes holding ourselves accountable, demonstrating unwavering dedication, and actively working to eliminate any subconscious cavities or negative influences. Ironically, our preference leans towards self-centricity, ego, discrimination, and controlling behaviour.

It is up to us to determine, without feigning, whether we possess education, civilisation, and the values of life. The criteria for being civilised and valued should be established by placing emphasis on values that encompass true honesty and sincerity. The foundation for admitting and rectifying mistakes lies in maintaining a mindset that is sincere and truthful. Our character and value as individuals should not be judged by external factors such as our attire, living conditions, facilities and safety, what food we eat, or how often we go camping or what kind of shopping centres we go to.

But, most of us, knowingly or unknowingly, make lots of efforts to make our children the way we are ourselves. So, we feel proud of our parenting methods rather than seeing serious flaws in the way we raise our children; ironically we believe we are doing a great job. Those who possess a discriminatory and arrogant mindset are the only ones who can feel a sense of pride to be trapped by the distorted psychology, rather than embracing personal growth through acknowledging and rectifying their mistakes.

1.3 Examples of Hypocrisy, Distortion

Despite the fact that there are countless examples happening around us daily in abundance. In this sub-section, my focus will be on presenting some of these examples, rather than analysing them, the purpose behind this approach is to use our own common sense and critical thinking abilities. We might find these examples to be very common. But if we are not in the habit or fail to engage in constant introspection, these seemingly ordinary elements possess the power to shape, control, and exert influence over our personality and mindset.

1.3.1 Examples − Children

Example 01:

My only son, Aadi, was probably around one and a half years old when this incident occurred, which was some years ago. Ever since Aadi was born, I had made it a daily routine to take him to different public playgrounds in Sydney. I used to walk with Aadi in a child-carrier backpack, listening to his giggles and feeling the gentle bounce with each step. The child-carrier was spacious enough to fit not only Aadi but also all the essentials - food, clothes, nappies, water bottles, and even a few medium-sized toys. Therefore, while taking Aadi to the playgrounds, I used to carry toys in it too. With Aadi securely in the child-carrier, my hands were free to hold on to toys that I would hang for him to play with.

One day, in a playground, I was playing with my one-year-old son Aadi with his toys. There is a woman who arrives at that place accompanied by her child, who appears to be older than my son. The woman's child had a strong urge to play with the toys of my child. The kid was so fond of a particular toy, he became very adamant about bringing it along with him. I had a conversation with my child, Aadi, during which I asked him if he could kindly consider giving his toy to the child over there. Aadi, in his early childhood, was of humble demeanour. Aadi not only willingly agreed, but also personally presented the toy to the child. As soon as the woman saw this, she quickly reached into her purse and retrieved a small toy, which she immediately started giving to my child. Curiosity led me to ask why she was engaged in this activity. While she referred to it as sharing, I disagreed and argued that it is not sharing, but rather an exchange, a business transaction.

When it comes to teaching my child about sharing, my focus is on cultivating values that go beyond mere transactions or trades, and instead emphasise the true essence of sharing. It was unfortunate that the woman did not understand what I was saying, but because her child was adamant, she took my child's toy, without handing over a toy to my child as an exchange. Many of us, not just that woman, fail to comprehend the true significance of sharing. Our approach to life values involves a pattern of imitation of our parents and community, which we pass down to our children. We often neglect to contemplate whether the title we give to our actions accurately captures their essence, or if their essence and true nature diverge. During our conversation, I expressed to the woman my desire for my child to develop a deeper understanding of sharing, moving beyond self-centricity. Many individuals opt to label their self-centric character as 'Accountability to Self' instead of embracing the term self-centricity, because the term self-centricity does not look good to our sense of superiority and ego.

1. I expressed to the woman that in the scenario where my child possesses only one item and also requires it, but there is someone else in front of him who is in greater need of that item, my child should selflessly give it to the person without any hesitation or conditions. This truly embodies the essence of sharing.
   
   
2. In our collection, we possess numerous items that fall under the same category. Occasionally, we make use of those items. We choose to share some of the items with someone else because they are in need. When it comes to categorising acts of sharing, this one falls into the normal category. However, there are many of us who live with the arrogance of considering it a significant sacrifice.
   
   
3. Sharing becomes relevant when we find ourselves in possession of multiple items of the same kind or when we grow tired of using the existing items and desire a fresh collection. Then we want to find a solution for getting rid of these unwanted or surplus items. Because of this, we choose to give these things to others. However, it is a widespread occurrence for individuals to dwell in the arrogance of perceiving themselves as great due to their participation in sharing, despite the fact that the character of their sharing is subpar.
   
   
4. Although commonly referred to as sharing, this practice, which is both widely used and immensely popular, does not truly encompass the essence of sharing. A substantial segment of our society wholeheartedly embraces this type of sharing. Children are taught in the same way. Moreover, it evokes a feeling of cultural pride. The principle of reciprocity applies in this sharing, meaning that when something is given, there is an inherent expectation to obtain something in return. Despite its widespread popularity as a sharing concept, it is not truly sharing, since it involves an exchange or trade.

The act of teaching children the 03 and 04 types of sharing, whether it is done by parents or society, has high potential to result in the development of discriminatory and arrogant tendencies in children.

Example 02:

A child urinated in his pants at school. Although the child is mentally healthy and has the knowledge of proper bathroom habits, he opted to urinate in his pants out of sheer laziness. Observing the wet pants, the mother of the child who arrived to collect him from school questioned whether he had urinated. The child promptly responded, stating that it was not the case, and clarified that the water had accidentally spilled. Once the mother detected a scent from the pants, she came to the conclusion that the child was lying. Probably due to her own upbringing by parents and surroundings or influenced by some popular but crap psychology, the mother did not say anything about it to the child. Intentionally or unintentionally creating an encouraging environment for the child to habit of lying.

As a parent, if I were in that situation, just there immediately, I would have a conversation with my child about the importance of taking responsibility for making the effort to use the toilet instead of lazily wetting their pants. A key lesson that I would instil in my child is the significance of accepting and rectifying mistakes, irrespective of the judgement or teasing they may face from others. Only after accepting a mistake can there be a genuine wish to correct the mistake. If we refuse to accept and rectify our mistakes, we are left with no choice but to resort to falsehoods and manipulation. As we grow, we often find ourselves inclined to fabricate lies and manipulate. As time passes, we become more and more influenced by this tendency, allowing it to control us. Instead of choosing the path of integrity, if we prioritise the opinions of others and opt for fabricating lies, dishonesty and manipulating situations, disregarding values, which ultimately leads us down a path of immorality and deceit.

I found it quite ironic that upon sharing this incident with one of my European friends, who actually defended the actions of the mother, stating that what you would do was to be incorrect. Although my friend disagrees, I firmly believe that my stand is in the best interest of the child's personality growth, even if it may cause some temporary inconvenience for him. The level of self-centrism in our society has reached such a point that individuals are now resorting to a multitude of tactics, such as lying, manipulating others, and being insensitive, all in order to evade even the smallest inconveniences. It is astonishing how easily we can be thrown into a state of panic, even by the slightest inconveniences.

Example 03:

Another examples of a child, who was approximately seven years old, attended a primary school. His father had a routine of picking him up from school each day. One day, the father encountered a slight delay in arriving to pick up his child, approximately 10-15 minutes. As soon as the father arrives, he humbly asks the child for forgiveness, but the child responds by displaying his anger instead, without talking. The father informed the child that while he was on his way from his office to pick him up, his car unfortunately got into an accident. The father also showed some of his injuries to the child. The father said that the pain in his head, caused by the accident, is still quite intense. The father explained that he went home, where he collected the child's bicycle, and then he came to school on foot. Despite putting in a lot of effort, he unfortunately ended up arriving at school 10-15 minutes late. He is expressing his apologies for this situation. In spite of understanding the gravity of the situation, the child remained indifferent to his father's accident and injuries, opting instead to express anger towards him. Despite feeling physical pain and emotional sadness, the father continued to ask forgiveness.

In fact, it is our parents who instilled a self-centric mindset in us, and now we are inadvertently passing on an even more self-centric attitude to our children. Our insensitivity is camouflaged by the empty rhetoric of humility and rationality, allowing us to remain oblivious to our increasing cruelty and lack of sensitivity. We follow mechanical psychological principles in our parenting techniques.

Example 04:

It has been several years since this happened, I was in a house that was filled with lively toddler children who were joyfully engaged in playing with each other. The parents had arranged a daily routine of bath time in the evening at their own convenience for their children. According to this routine, it was time for the children to take a bath. Simultaneously, an individual experienced a strong urge to relieve themselves and needed using the bathroom. However, their need to use the bathroom was halted by the parents of the children, who insisted that it was time for the children to take a bath. Consequently, they were told that they could use the bathroom once the children had finished bathing. It was common for these children to engage in an extended play by entering the bathtub, sometimes bathtub play sessions lasting for an hour or even more. It is relatively easy to change the schedule for bathing, but attempting to suppress the urge to defecate can be extremely challenging and potentially detrimental to one's health. Parents were not accustomed to tolerating a deviation from the designed routine for their children. This is because any disruption in the routine might cause discomfort for parents and lead to feelings of panic.

Although people with a self-centric mindset consider this to be a common and trivial matter, it is crucial to acknowledge that these things hold significant value in expressing and nurturing the foundational mindset of both children and our own. As time goes on, we gradually become more self-centric, which leads to a decrease in our tolerance for discomfort. This mindset leads us to a heightened state where we not only engage in invisible cruelty for our own comfort, but we also begin to derive enjoyment from it. Furthermore, we genuinely convince ourselves that our actions are morally justified and righteous. Through our actions and teachings, we inadvertently instil self-centric, discriminatory, arrogant, and insensitive traits in our children. Despite our consistent teaching of words like please, excuse me, pardon me, thank you, and I love you throughout the day, the reality remains that we ultimately shape our children's behaviour in alignment with our own beliefs and mould them accordingly.

1.3.2 Examples — Parents

Example 01: 

From the moment their child entered the world, the husband's desire for total control over child-rearing has consumed him, leading him to constantly find pretexts or arguments to assert his authority. Despite pretending otherwise in-front of his wife, his true agenda was to have complete control over all decisions regarding their child, of their parenting journey. The husband's mindset, though unbeknownst to him, was unmistakably discriminatory and controlling. Despite his wife's protests and reactions, the husband remained indifferent and dismissive. The wife continued her protest, firmly believing in the deep-rooted values of love, trust, and dedication between her and her husband. As time passed, the husband's control grew, but the wife found space in the moments she had been alone with their child while the husband was at work. The husband used to put up with his wife's opposition, knowing that she stays at home and takes care of their child while he was at the office.

However, as a result of the COVID virus pandemic, the situation took a drastic turn for the worse right from the very beginning when the husband began working from home. During weekdays, the child's mother and the child lived together without any other family members for a number of years. It was clear that the mother had a strong understanding of how to properly care for her child. However, ever since the husband began working from home, he used to constantly run from his designated workspace to the child, even for the smallest of matters, as if the child's mother had committed a grave offence against the child. Since the first day, incidents of this nature had been occurring multiple times per day on a regular basis. Although the mother of the child vehemently opposed such behaviour, her husband, who consistently ignored her dissent since the child's birth, persisted in carrying on with his attitude. In front of the wife, a deeply awkward situation was unfolding, preventing her from finding even a brief moment to live life on her own terms with her child.

The child, who initially perceived them as his two parents, eventually came to understand that his father held the true power and authority, whereas his mother was simply his caretaker, lacking any significant control over him. Children who are around three to four years old tend to easily develop this mindset. Over time, the child developed a habit where he would have behaved inexplicably, influencing his father to run from his work-desk to the child to inquire about what was going on with him.

The father's blindness caused by his arrogance and discriminatory mindset of superiority prevented him from acknowledging the harm he inflicted upon the child's mother, as his behaviour continuously insulted her self-esteem and abused her maternal instincts. It is ironic that the father's level of arrogance was so exaggerated that he interpreted his wife's opposition and reaction to his behaviour as the insult of his self-esteem and abuse.

Despite the worsening circumstances, the husband neglected to have a proper discussion with his wife. Rather than engaging in open communication and dialogue with his wife regarding the issues at hand, he made the decision to seek counsel from friends and relatives who possess a self-centric, controlling, and psychologically distorted mindset. Instead of encouraging him to find a constructive solution, they ended up fostering his discriminatory, controlling, and arrogant mindset. The advice given by these individuals led to such circumstances that ultimately resulted in the dissolution of a family. It is ironic that the child's father, along with his relatives and friends, takes pride in the fact that what occurred was deemed highly favourable. With the intention of asserting his dominance, the father employed deceptive tactics and manipulations, effectively rendering the mother powerless and voiceless in regards to the child's affairs. Throughout this endeavour, his family and friends were there to provide unwavering support and encouragement.

The outcome would vary significantly if the father of the child did not have a distorted psychology, if he did not have a discriminative and controlling mindset, if he was not arrogant, and if he was not self-centric. If he truly possessed a deep respect for his wife, along with genuine love and unwavering dedication, he would take the initiative to comprehend the underlying causes for his wife's opposition and subsequent reaction, leading him to engage in a process of introspection. Instead of exacerbating his mistakes, he had the option to choose the path of acknowledging them, rectifying them, and preventing further harm.

Example 02: 

A woman constantly criticised her boyfriend since the beginning of her particular relationship, in front of her family members and friends. Contrary to expectations, she gave birth to her first child living with the boy-friend she always criticised. Subsequently, the degree of hate in criticism had reached very high. I do not know who was at fault. The information I received was one-sided and came exclusively from her perspective. My strong conviction is that the information has been extensively manipulated. The woman explicitly stated that she could not spend even a single moment in the presence of that man. The woman mentioned that she had no emotional attachment to her boyfriend and, in fact, she expressed feelings of disgust towards him.

Despite everything, this woman made the decision to bring another child into the world, as it aligns with the belief of the Psychology-Sect she adheres to. According to the psychology-sect, it is believed that having at least two children from the same parents contributes positively to the psychological development of the children. According to the beliefs of the psychology-sect that this woman adheres to, she went against her personal feelings and gave birth to two children from a man she despised. Once she gave birth to her second child, this woman made the decision to end her relationship with her boyfriend and told him to care for her children as a babysitter for a few hours per day. The children's biological father, on a daily basis, pays a visit to this woman's house and remains there for a period of two to four hours, during which he engages with the children. According to this woman's belief, she holds the view that children require the presence of a living being, referred to as a father. Perhaps that is why this woman has mechanically arranged a father for her children for a few hours. When it comes to decision-making regarding the children, all serious matters are handled by the woman, while the father is only allowed to make superficial and spontaneous decisions. Maybe this woman's mindset is so distorted that she truly believes she has exclusive rights to make decisions about her children, displaying discriminatory, controlling, and arrogant behaviour.

This woman perceives herself as an expert in psychology, conducts maliciously distorted psychological assessments of individuals she has animosity towards. This woman's way of life holds great allure for those individuals who carry a self-centric and controlling mindset, along with arrogant tendencies and superficial life-values. The consequences of her psychological advice have been far-reaching, leading to the breakdown of many otherwise happy families, no serious accountability to subconscious level disturbances in the children.

The sincere psychology expert approaches issues with seriousness and sincerity, striving for constructive resolution rather than seeding distortion.

Example 03:

I met a European woman while living in India. She said that life is very easy in developed countries, so people do not understand many serious dimensions of life. She said that since the lives of children are filled with great comfort and safety, the basis for children to be unhappy is that they did not get breakfast at the moment they wanted or they did not get a toy of choice colour, although they have the same toy of a different colour. There are numerous examples like this. Parents become frightened by these tiny discomforts of their kids. Many kids and parents reach trauma states because of these trivial matters.

The woman expressed her belief that when she becomes a mother, she will choose not to raise her child in the same manner. I was very impressed and believed that this woman would raise her child in a different way than routine. Following a span of a few years, this woman experiences the transformative journey of becoming a mother. We had the opportunity to meet again. It was interesting to witness this woman, who had previously criticised a certain style, using the exact same style to raise her child. The irony lies in the fact that this woman is completely unaware of her own hypocritical behaviour. The disparity between talking literally, showing off, following values superficially, and following values truly with honesty and seriousness is so immense that it can be likened to the contrast between the ground and the sky.

Example 04:

Woman "A" used to criticise woman "B" and considered her to be stupid and inferior simply because woman "B" chose to breastfeed her child even when the child was two years old. Woman "A" used to mention that, based on the recommendations of the World Health Organisation and developed countries, it is advised not to breastfeed children for more than a maximum duration of one year. It is ironic that the woman who used to criticise another woman eventually became a mother herself and breast-fed her child until they were over three years old.

Example 05:

There was a woman who used to criticise other women, deeming them stupid and rude, simply because they chose to clean their children's butts after they pooped until they reached the age of three or four years old. However, once this woman became a mother, she instilled the same habit in her child, and kept cleaning their bum until they reached the age of approximately ten years old.

1.4  Can values be transmitted to our children if we engage in pretence/hypocrisy/discrimination and distorted-psychology?

A person possesses a mindset that is self-centric, discriminatory, hypocritical, and arrogant. In order to appear rational and righteous, he has developed a habit of consistently fabricating lies. Due to his parenting skills, the child of this person has been gradually becoming more irritable, resulting in a decrease in patience and tolerance compared to the child's previous behaviour. If this person genuinely and sincerely searches for reasons, he will be compelled to engage in self-introspection and acknowledge his own shortcomings. But to avoid self-introspection and acknowledge his own shortcomings, rather than seeking out the true causes, he chooses to attribute responsibility for all of these matters to others. This person teaches his child to breathe in and exhale. The belief of this person is that by engaging in the simple action of breathing in and out, one can effectively address and correct any negative traits in their personality. If this person were to display an ounce of sincerity and integrity, he might gain insight into his genuine character. He can see that he has been repeatedly inhaling and exhaling daily for many many years. By doing this, has he been able to do the conditioning and personality? Through the practice of studying books written by like-minded authors in the field of psychology, this person has cultivated his understanding and now confidently regards themselves as an expert in the subject.